real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
