I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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