what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
