Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
