Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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