I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
