I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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