Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
