Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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