Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
