I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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