I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
