I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
