I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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