You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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