Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
