Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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