Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize