Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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