im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
