just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
