The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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