Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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