i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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