you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
