Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
