Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
