I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
