That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
