with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
