No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
