you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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