sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
