Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
