I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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