you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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