i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
