you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
