Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i think i just lost a toe
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