I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
