So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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