you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
