i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
