She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
