That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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