Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
worst night to have a conscience
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
