I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
