do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
