But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
