even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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