the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
