hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize