I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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