Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
