The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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