I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
