She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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