Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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