i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
