Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
