Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
