foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize