nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
