looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize