I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
