i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
