are you still at the devil's house?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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