Someone shit on the floor
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
