Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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