oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
