FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
