Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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