Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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