if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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