My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
