So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
