Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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