we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
