whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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