margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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