her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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