It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
