seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need moral support for this bender
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
