I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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