Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
