Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
