you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
