I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
