Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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