so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
