True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize