Duck Duck Cougar?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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