i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
