i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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