Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize