yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
