how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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