The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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