Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
