I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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