She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
