I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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