Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
