Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
