I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
