i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
