she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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