i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
