you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
