my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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