if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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